What being neurodivergent means to me

I’m neurodivergent, which means that my brain is wired differently than those of other, neurotypical, people. It means that I sometimes cannot do the things other people do, at least in their way. It also means that I sometimes struggle living in a society that was built around neurotypical people. The normal ones.

However, discovering that I was neurodivergent has made me see things from a different perspective. It’s made me appreciate my differences and learning to listen to my limits.

Being neurodivergent means to me that…

…my thought process functions differently that the thought process of others. For me, that means that I am exceptional at making connections between two or more things.

…my thoughts don’t fit the norm, which makes me incredibly creative. I can come up with the most bizarre solutions to any problem, which can be quite fun to try out. However, it also means that I often overlook the most straightforward way and do things the hard way instead.

…I was diagnosed with Alexithymia, which means that while I feel all emotions, I am unable to identify them. Instead, I rationalize them, which is helpful when I need to make a connection between actions, but unhelpful when I just need to experience my emotions.

…I am incredibly emphatic. Even though I may not be able to identify (my) emotions, I can still feel them and those of others. I celebrate when you are happy, and I will be sad with you when you’re feeling down. I can also get into a state of pure relaxation just from seeing someone else get a massage, but it never beats the real thing.

…my brain’s processing capabilities are lacking in comparison to my intelligence. Therefore, I often need some extra time to process change and new situations. If I don’t get this time, it will affect my stress-levels.

…I can bring across my argument better on paper than face-to-face, which means that phone-calls scare me as I need to react immediately. It also means that I don’t perform as well on tests as I do when writing an essay since I have more time to find the correct words for my argument.

…sounds are triggering to me in both a positive and negative manner. Music I like can bring me ultimate joy and ASMR can calm me down within seconds. On the other hand, public transport, loud people, cutlery, and other sounds drain me physically and mentally. I often need to lay down after going outside, even if it’s just for a short while.

…being overworked triggers physical responses in me. When I am overstimulated, drained, or just too tired, my body will shut down. I’ll get a fever, extreme cold symptoms, my allergies will get worse, and I may sometimes even be too tired to get up out of bed.

…I need more rest. To prevent the examples from the point above, I need to take more time for myself I cannot work more than 20 hours a week, and even that can be too much for me. I can’t plan more than one event a day, because it will drain me too much. If I do, I may have a meltdown.

…I experience meltdowns. It’s not the same as a toddler throwing a tantrum, but it does involve a lot of crying. A meltdown is a result of an overwhelming amount of triggers. These can be stress, work, sounds, interactions, or just about anything. Before I enter a meltdown, I’ll often have a shutdown first. This is where I have a hard time talking (semi-mute) and need to lay down before it evolves into a meltdown.

…this society is not for me. I found that being in nature, far from the “living” world brings me the most peace. Therefore, I’m saving up to move towards the North, in North-Sweden or Iceland. There, I can rest and write as much as my heart desires.

…capitalism sucks. The world is focused on neurotypical people, so people like me, either with or without diagnosis, often don’t get the help they need. Because I can’t work more than 20 hours a week, some months can be a struggle to pay rent or groceries. However, I can’t get financial support because I’m otherwise able to work.

What does it mean to you?

There are plenty more examples of what being neurodivergent means to me. However, I want to get to know you. Are you neurodivergent, and if so, what does it mean to you? If you are neurotypical, what does neurodivergence mean to you?

Nobody is exactly the same, and there may be neurodivergent people reading this who do not identify with my statements at all, which is okay. I may not recognize myself in their things either. Still, we do need to stick together to fight for a better world for both neurotypical and neurodivergent people.